I will not die an unlived life
Dawna Markova wrote the poem,
I Will Not Die An Unlived Life
I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.
She could have written that for me, and often it seems as if she did. When I received this gift from Robbi Zeck in 1998, I was going through radiation for breast cancer. I read the poem, put it up on the wall, read it again, and in a few years the poem became my mantra. I learned to say it out loud to the point that it was not only very empowering, but affirming.
As can be understood, I had a fear of falling and I avoided heights. As a child I did not like going over bridges in the car or walking on the pier at the beach high above the ocean deep, with little gaps between the boards.
I had the fear of catching fire since someone bumped into my arm at a college party with a cigarette, causing a bad burn when I was a teen. Ten years later, at another party, I was donning some wild and heavily hair sprayed hair, and sat next to a candle that lit the ends of my do, giving me a layered look. Lucky for me a biker had his jacket handy and covered me before any damage, but it really STUNK up the party. After my older brother lost his home to fire I became obsessed with the element for a long time and still don’t use candles.
Despite my past experience with fire, I am happy to say I no longer have those fears and can quickly dismiss fearful pop ups when they occasionally happen. In my sabbatical away from AT I was able to release that through some powerful work called Heart Forgiveness, which allows one to release anger and gives tools to continue moving forward with a peaceful heart. This is done in four sessions with a facilitator with follow up home work with a CD.
The Heart Forgiveness sessions allowed to feel that I can look at the past now and deal with anything that resurfaces, putting it to rest and being free.
A result of being free are Confessions of a Vintage Aromatherapist being developed, as well as this blog project where I can recount the history as I have lived it. It will include the viewpoint of guests who can add their knowledge to our histories database. As many myths of aromatherapy are being busted, I hope the insights of my friends and I will add to the historical data of the field and provide entertainment so that when my time comes, I can screech out, all used up, yelling whoohoo!